Alex Smith Winds His Way Back From Mars
Avengers: The most ambitious crossover event in history!
The Draw Play:
UNIVERSES HAVE COLLIDED FOLKS. THE DRAW PLAY LORE DEEPENS. What if Ben, Rivers, and Eli haven’t been in this series of gags because…they are on earth doing Ringless Rivers? IT’S ALL CONNECTED. Pretend I inserted that picture of Charlie from Always Sunny looking insane with all the connections on the wall.
So yesterday I was talking to a couple of work friends who know jack shit about sports and do not read my comic because they are mean people who don’t support artists and one of them asked me how my comic week was going (I mentioned earlier in the week that this particular week was going to be stressful due to the extra comic work I’m doing). I told her it was going well. They asked for a link. I was reluctant to send it, because I knew they wouldn’t get it, and in that moment it really hit me just how absurd this entire thing keeps getting.
This is a week for the long-time readers who have been here since Comic #69 (nice). If a new reader stumbled on the site right now, it would make absolutely zero sense. This is deep lore stuff. My longest running gag, quite possibly the worst thing to start with. In that vein, since there is a chance my co-workers open the site back up tomorrow (they wont), maybe I should post a recap down here of the events thus far, so that newbies can get caught up. Don’t worry, it’ll make a lot of sense soon.
-Joe Flacco (Orange #5 in this comic, but originally of the Ravens) was a mediocre QB who won a super bowl and then signed the then-biggest contract in NFL history. Joe made a money fort in his bedroom, because Joe Flacco is a goober who wouldn’t be flashy and spend it.
-Not too long afterward, Aaron Rodgers (Packers QB) also signed a huge contract. He made a money castle. Andy Dalton then got paid, and then Joe and Andy teamed up with Aaron to make a super-money fort.
-Soon afterward, JJ Watt, the defensive superstar who hates quarterbacks, also go paid and smashed the money fort. Joe and the QBs fled and decided to create a money island to escape and met up with Cam Newton and Ryan Tannehill. They were rejected by Jay Cutler and Tony Romo. Tiny boy Russell Wilson then joined them. Things began to look kind of bleak, especially once Olivier Vernon joined forces with Watt, and they began to crush money island. Andrew Luck stopped them in a money zeppelin, only to get annihilated by Von Miller’s money satellite, which was then subsequently blown up by Derek Carr’s money nuke.
-Somewhere in the ocean, Revis makes an island and everyone forgets about him.
-Joe Flacco, our hero, convinced all these players to stop fighting and join up once more in order to challenge the fabric of money space time, the money gods (players from other leagues who get paid far better than NFL players do). This became the grand struggle. They joined up with Matt Stafford at his lost city of money. They realized they needed more space, and decided to colonize the moon. They contacted Jimmy Garoppolo for his money rocket ship.
-During this time frame, Alex Smith, QB of the Chiefs, was leading a mission to Mars. He spent several attempts checking down to the moon instead, because he is too cautious. He eventually made it to Mars, but was subsequently traded away and had not been seen until now, as a member of the Redskins. Note: he has also been recently paid some big bucks.
-The money crew encountered difficulties with life support, finding stowaway Blake Bortles. He begins an antagonistic relationship with Russell Wilson. The crew is then aided by Kirk Cousins and Matt Ryan, as well as Khalil Mack, OBJ, and Aaron Donald. They reach the moon, only to find out Aaron Rodgers has already started a colony there. They decide to make it bigger.
-The order of the money meets to discuss their new base. Carson Wentz and Russell Wilson, who was paid again, have contributed more. Nick Foles, who is known for having a large penis, has built a giant gun penis. In this era however, Joe Flacco, Ryan Tannehill, and Blake Bortles have all been abandoned by their original teams and sent elseware. Russell Wilson has decided he is done taking orders from these washed up losers and shoots them out of the penis gun.
There! Now we are caught up. Should be easy to understand now.
You made me wonder how long I’ve been keeping up with these. Turns out since before you numbered the comics at the top! Dark Knight Rises comic popped my Draw Play cherry
You should link to the old comics!
This series is unquestionably the best thing to have happened in this comic. Keep it up!
“Nick Foles, who is known for having a large penis, has built a giant gun penis.”
Oh, so that big cannon thing wasn’t a penis gun, but a gun penis.
That… somehow improves the design of Moonbase Moneyz by an order of magnitude.
Also, it’s kinder than expected for the Walrus and evil scumbag Dan Snyder let Alex Smith keep that giant arrow starship despite kicking him out. Maybe after Smith rescues Flacco, Bort and Tannehill they can start up their own club where they take it easy and hang around in lunar orbit, salvaging more QBs anytime they get shot out the penis again.
(I say QBs, because when the horrible time comes when JJ Watt finally breaks down from age and gets shipped out(read: shot out the money penis), I’d think Smith would be more than happy to try to fry Watt with his ship’s lasers than rescue him. Of course, it being Watt, that might just enrage him and make him punch the door through Smith’s ship just to eat him alive, meh)
Dave this is really impressive. Keep up the good work!
Maybe calling Russell Wilson “boy” isn’t such a good idea?
He wrote tiny boy, referring to Wilson’s stature. And anyone reading these comics and subsequent commentaries knows Dave isn’t some asshole bigot.
Don’t take the person who calls themselves a lunatic seriously.
Also Dave is racist against eagles, we all know and accept this.
Over-react much? I didn’t say he was racist; I said he made a mistake.
But feel free to beat your chest.
I love seeing how this has evolved over the years. Stupendous work, Dave.
Theory: Thanos Brady is waiting for the Elite Money Folk are ready to challenge the Money Gods, at which point he snaps his fingers and eliminates half of them.
I think it would be funny if he was entirely in the nude, but for a pair of Uggs. He can be Dr. Boston (spoof on Dr. Manhattan from Watchmen). And he tells them it’s not about earning money, it’s about leaving your pregnant supermodel girlfriend for a RICHER supermodel girlfriend, thus helping the team win championships, blah blah blah. And then half of them choke to death over how boring and awful Tom Brady is. GAK AGKG AKKKKKK!!!!
I think it would be funny if he was entirely in the nude, but for a pair of Uggs. He can be Dr. Boston (spoof on Dr. Manhattan from Watchmen). And he tells them it’s not about earning money, it’s about leaving your pregnant supermodel girlfriend for a RICHER supermodel girlfriend, thus helping the team win championships, blah blah blah. And then half of them choke to death over how boring and awful Tom Brady is. GAK AGKG AKKKKKK!!!!
Aw, man, what happened? Did some alternate universe version of me post the exact same thing at the exact same time? =/
This was my first thought back on Monday. Dude has enough rings to create an something akin to the Infinity Gauntlet and it feels like he has been and might just play forever anyways
The rise and fall of Alex Smith
2005-2010: Vilified in SF, gets benched by David Carr in the infamous “We Want Carr” game.
2011-13: Loved in SF, nevertheless traded due to Kaep’s meteoric rise
2014-18: Plays good in KC, yet is traded due to a QB on the rise in Pat Mahomes
2019: Plays decent, then breaks his leg. Doubt he ever plays again.
My God, this guy has horrible luck. I hope he has a fast recovery. I want him to play again, though idk if he ever will.
New spin-off idea: X-Money Men, featuring the cast-offs from the Elite Moneys, who somehow get mutated from being shot into space. Maybe this becomes some kind of “Avengers vs X-Men” thing.
We could get Flacco as Cyclops, Bortles as Wolverine (or Alex Smith, since he basically got a metal rod inserted, a la Adamantium), Ryan Fitzpatrick (who joins later) as Deadpool since he’s basically a merc who takes everyone’s money. Would Tyrod Taylor also be eligible? Since he basically got a massive contract that really was only a one-year deal with an option, then got traded as well. And of course, Thanos Brady seizes the opportunity to take over the universe with the two factions of QBs warring
Actually…. maybe Cutler could be Wolvie due to his “don’t care” attitude, portraying him in his “Old Man Logan” state due to his retirement. Then have Brett Favre or some really old QB as Professor X. I’m just tossin’ ideas, don’t mind me 😛
You know, when you spell it all out like this, this whole gag is ridiculous. I mean, don’t stop it, but it’s ridiculous.
Fan theory: In the Bizarro Draw Play universe Tom Brady leads the forces of The Lack of Money Team, along with the likes of Ryan Fitzpatrick and a shit ton of rookies. They don’t actually do anything interesting, though, they just hang out at a Burger King, or something, wishing they could have silly money adventures. Occasionally Giselle shows up to remind everyone that Tahmmyboy gets to toss a fooseball around for pennies, allowing the rest of the team to be stacked, because his wife earns the real money. (Possible side story/intrigue plot: The Money Fort Crew steals Giselle away, telling her that she belongs with a bunch of high earners. She then adds hella Money Fort cred to their empire, building a catwalk and sweet dressing rooms for the Money Moon Base.)
Wow…..has it really been going on that long? It doesn’t really seem like it. That was 870 comics ago. That’s crazy to think about. Are we shifting towards a Money Civil War? Might there be multiple combatants? Will having monies and a ring make you even more super elite? What about Philip Rivers and his band of ringless children?
i am so confused
I know I’m WAY late posting this but I got behind on comics and I’m finally catching up. Just wanted to say I’ve been here since around comic 30ish and I’ve turned both of my brothers into big fans! Proud to have been here from the beginning and to get to see all the inside jokes coming together into one masterpiece of a tapestry. Proud of you for sticking with this Dave! Keep up the great work and thank you for all the mindblowing number of hours you’ve put into this site!
“Andrew Luck stopped them in a money zeppelin, only to get annihilated by Von Miller’s money satellite, which was then subsequently blown up by Derek Carr’s money nuke.”
Even though the story has grown far, far beyond this (especially when taking into account the 2020 additions to the Money Saga as well), I think this sentence really captures the essence of the absolute craziness that has gone down.