Super Bowl MVP Big Dick Nick
Congratulations Philadelphia! You did it! Big Dick Nick led you to the promised land, just as you all thought he would, several seasons after you gave up on him after one good year. Man that’s weird to think about now.
There is so much to unpack about that game and I’ll probably spend the rest of the month touching on the meat. But I want to start with a big thumbs up to you, Eagles. You did it. No one can say you didn’t. No one can take it away from you. You earned it. You earned the shit out of it. That was an incredible game and you were the better team. You deserved to walk home a champion. You deserved to eat the poop. That’s your poop to eat. Champion poop.
I’m genuinely happy for Eagles fans. I know that doesn’t sound real, but it is. I know how good it feels to win it all, and that is a feeling I want for every fanbase. It’s a feeling we all deserve to have. Philly fans have waited a long time for this and I’m happy for them. Genuinely happy. I’m also happy to see the Patriots eat shit, but I’m genuinely excited for Eagles fans. I’ve been watching all the absurd videos of the celebrations downtown and it’s hilarious and everything I wanted it to be. If you see some folks doing bad things though, please stop them.
I wanted the Pats to win for selfish Giants fan related reasons but even as the game went on I couldn’t help but enjoy watching the Pats flounder and fluster trying to keep up with Nick Foles, Superstar. We may not agree on much, Eagles fans, but there are now 3 things we can agree on. Fuck the Cowboys, Fuck the Redskins, and beating Tom Brady in the Super Bowl is so good. So Good. That’s just us now. We did it first, twice, but there is enough space on this mountain for both of us to chill, especially with a performance like that. We beat Tom Brady by smashing him into pulp. You beat him by slapping your balls in his face. Respect.
Back when I made this now fairly well known comic I hated no team as much as I hated the Eagles. But while I’ve kept that joke running for a while, I don’t think it’s true anymore. I hated that team because I hated DeSean Jackson. I hated Vick. I hated LeSean McCoy (I still hate LeSean McCoy). I hated Potato Chip Kelly, for being a cool college coach I wanted to see in the NFL choose the one team I did not want him to go to. I hated that team. But I don’t hold that same hate in my heart for this team. My hatred for the franchise as a concept remains, but the team itself? So much more likable than before. I like Foles. I like Wentz. I like Pederson. This team is way less hate-able. I think I can officially say at this point I hate the Cowboys and Patriots more. You are now #3. Those other two are the now most scum, irredeemable garbage there is. Hopefully soon Tom Brady and Belichick retire so the Pats go back to normal and become okay again and I can once more throw all my hate at the Cowboys, the way it was in my childhood days. Hating the Pats has gotten exhausting.
I’ll save one last Patriots hate comic for Thursday before I leave them alone for a while. I’ll leave this with a list of all the random things I thought during this game.
-Totally called the Eagles winning, but I never would have expected it to be because of a shootout with Tom Brady setting offensive records.
-Watching Big Dick Nick Foles catch a TD pass one drive after Brady dropped the ball on the same type of play….(Italian Chef kissing fingers).
-Eli and Odell had the best commercial of the night and Eli is the greatest human being to ever live.
-The only other commercial I liked was the David Harbour Tide Ads. Whoever came up with that at Tide deserves a raise.
-The Han Solo movie looked cheap to me, I thought it was going to turn into a secret car commercial tie in, something felt off.
-Remember when Tom Brady got the ball with 2 minutes left and you could feel the excitement die but then he gets strip sacked two plays into the drive and holy shit that owned so hard.
-Didn’t watch JT, I never watch halftime shows. Who cares. I saw the boob one, no halftime show will ever match that.
-Cris Collinsworth has never been worse than he was on Sunday. Holy shit. The level of bias, the seeming inability to actually accurately describe things…I’ve have my issues with Collinsworth before but he was atrocious. At one point he praised the Patriots secondary’s ability to open field tackle, when almost every play up to that one they were getting schooled. That was the worst case of announcing I can remember.
-NBC had 30 seconds of dead air during the broadcast hahahaha way to go, you only had MONTHS to plan this shit.
-Wow was the Patriots defense bad. Like, woof. If I’m a Lions fan I’m a little worried now.
-The Eagles defense made the play when it mattered, but woah, that was a far worse performance than I expected out of them too.
-That Dodge Ram commercial with Dr. King…I can’t believe people signed off on that.
-Dilly Dilly is the worst forced meme and people who think it’s funny should be thrown into a volcano, we don’t need you.
-JESUS CHRIST THAT EAGLES FAN LITERALLY ATE HORSE SHIT
-Is the Minnesota SandcrawlerDome windy? That was a lot of shanked kicks to start the game.
-Please fix the catch rule. That Ertz catch was such an obvious touchdown, we did not need 10 minutes of waiting to confirm that.
I was rooting for the Patriots, right up until Foles made the catch. The fact that Brady had missed the same thing earlier made it just unbearable to live in a world where *that play* didn’t belong to the Super Bowl winning team.
Foles is a devout Christian, and Dave decides vulgarity is a good move. Stay classy.
He didn’t come up with Big Dick Nick, it’s been going for a while.
And how does Fole’s naive faith relevant to how Dave describes him?
I mean how is Fole’s naive faith relevant, not does.
You must be one of those millenials that stayed on your parent’s health insurance until 26. Your lack of respect for the faith of another is most charitably attributed to immaturity.
Agreed
You are the one who decided to attack the comments of a comic writer that no one forced you to read without knowing all the facts.
And yes I am a millennial technically. I am one of the older ones though. I was married at 24 and had my first kid at 25 though, so don’t worry I wasn’t on my parents health insurance. 33 now.
I still stand by my statement that Nick Fole’s faith is completely irrelevant to the comic in any way, you just wanted an excuse to bring it up because it matters to you, so it must be important to everyone right?
Buster, dude, chill. Don’t like it, don’t read it. It’s that easy. You don’t pick your nickname. It’s given to you. Only jerks and douchebags pick their own nickname. Nick is neither of those.
Also, go to any Eagles fan (right now especially) and tell them not to call him that. And please video the response you get.
Steve, no hard feelings here, I was under no intention to insult you. Yes, his faith is irrelevant, that is true, it was you saying that it was his naive faith that caused this stupid argument. No need to make any sort of statement on how he believes or what he believes in. No hard feelings, at least not from me. Buster maybe, but not from me. I’m cool, I have Pizzaz!
I actually fail to see how Dave referred to the faith or lack thereof of any player in his comments. You may consider the name rude, no matter who invented it, but it has nothing to do with christianity. Or any other religion that I know of. Vulgarity is more or less the same everywhere, and you may disapprove of it, but it is not religious.
And I think when people are offended or dislike something, they should say so. After all, otherwise we’d never find out if we insulted somebody unintentionally, amongst other things. But please stay relevant to the topic. There’s so much misattribution of maybe justified anger these days which makes arguing the point at hand impossible.
Fuck off Buster the troll. I bet you are just one of disgruntled Pats fan. Also I bet you aren’t even a football fan at all. You are just one of those MGA crackheads. Why don’t you just crawl back to your safe zone called Gab.ai and just rot in hell.
By the way, Dave IP banned you from commenting. And also viewing the site.
I didn’t ban him, don’t tell lies. Unless someone hacked my site and did it for me. I have never banned anyone.
Buster can believe what he chooses, I’m not opposed to him coming by and offering his opinion. Unless he goes above and beyond in harassment he’s free to share his thoughts same as the rest of you, even if I disagree with his opinions.
The worse that can happen is the comments section gets disabled or the post gets changed to a wet fart.
Xianity does not penalize the possession of big dicks
Buster is most definitely a Baby Boomer.
Steve, the big dick Nick joke is funny because it’s the exact opposite of what you’d expect, like if the Browns won 4 games in a season.
4 games……in one season? Hold up there chief. I mean, fans there had a parade after not winning a game. If they won 4 games, in ONE season….you thought what Eagles fans did to Philly was bad…
I never said it wasn’t funny.
I feel like devout Christian Big Dick Nick would probably have a better sense of humor about this than you seem to
Preach it, Dave! Sounds like Buster is a disgruntled Patriots fan. Or maybe he’s really McAdon’t in disguise?
Whoa Max! Even if he is a Pats fan, please refer to Dave’s comic about fan bases. Does not represent all of us. Unless he’s Catholic. If he is, he might be from Southie. Although they have been undergoing some gentrification, so who knows.
Out of respect from Buster’s God: Dave meant Big-Married-Penis-Used-To-Consumate-His-Marriage-Foles.
I doubt Foles is the first devout Christian he used vulgarity for. The guy’s comic is riddled with suicide jokes, so I don’t get the indignity.
It’s not an indignity to Foles. It’s not even that vulgar.
It’s an indignity to Buster, who must be new here if this comic offends him
The Devout Evangelical Big Dick Nick that throws orgasmic TDs and catches Sexually stimulating TDs is probably the same spirit that impregnated the Virgin Mary to create Jesus.
Yeah his kid has headphones on, so we can call him what we want and it won’t fall on virgin ears.
Fun fact, you can simultaneously be a devout Christian and in possession of a collassal dong
I bet this guy thinks Tim Tebow is a great quarterback.
Lol buster, god is a lie
Blasphemy! Everyone knows that Saint Big Dick Nick, along with Rocky and Frank Reynolds, is a servant of the one true God of Philadelphia, Duracell.
http://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/neast-600×360.png
1) Dave didn’t make up Big Dick Nick. It’s been floating around Foles since college. 2) Dave has previously depicted Eagles’ players as being positively disposed towards “pee pee and doo doo” and Nick Foles was on the team at the time, so childish vulgarity towards Mr. Foles is not new, nor has it become less hilarious. 3) Dave’s Foles related vulgarity is nothing compared to what Philly fans are doing. 4) You have complained about Millennials having health insurance. Did you vote for Trump? If so, you might want to get off your vulgarity high horse. Don’t point out the speck in your brother’s eye. 5) Doo doo poopy butt farts ding dong heiny.
Thanks Dave, it’s because of the Patriots, why I cannot hate the Giants. Fly eagles fly.
Hover text is relevant
“Dilly Dilly is the worst forced meme and people who think it’s funny should be thrown into a volcano, we don’t need you” – thank you Dave. Thank you and bless you heart you beautiful man, you. That HAS to be the worst attempt at humor since youtube vloggers. Anybody who thinks that stupid pathetic excuse for a meme is funny should just drink bleach (95% of the NFL Memes comment section btw).
Also yeah, the Patriots defense was atrocious. It had more holes in it than that moldy month old swiss cheese I keep in my fridge for no reason. It was a pain to watch. When I saw Blount and Ajayi ground and pound the Pats d-line to a pulp only for Foles to come a throw a 7-8 yarder and move the chains EVERY GODDAMN PLAY until they scored made me wanna cry. Oh well…can’t win every year. Congrats Eagles, I always liked your swag (also midnight green > kelly green)
Or eat tide pods
Or they could wash a balanced meal of Tide Pods down with a refreshing glassful of bleach.
I absolutely hate the Giants. But I live in Boston, and when they went 18-0, Bostonian fans were completely unbearable. It sucked that of all teams who won, it was the Giants, but I was insanely happy when the Patriots lost. I was insanely happy when they lost the second time as well! Thanks for those memories.
As a Browns fan, I only watch football to watch teams I hate lose. Hey, it’s all I got…
THIS GAME RULED! hahahahahahahaha
I’ve even ordered a Foles jersey cuz (a) I live in Tucson and watched him play at the U of A, and (b) I travel to Boston a lot on business and want to be an arrogant prick towards Pats fans…
Fun fact: That 30 seconds of dead air was supposed to be a different commercial for each region across the country and they just didn’t, I dunno, hit a button? They needed to hire that button pushing guy from Hawaii.
Cris Collinsworth has never been worse than he was on Sunday. Holy shit.
the one that sticks out in my mind was some gutter pass that brady threw to one of his receivers that dorito-rappin peter dinklage himself wasn’t short enough to catch, but then collisworthless goes on and on about how “brady meant to throw it that low”
yes you’re a pats fanboy we get it
He did mean to throw it low. Brady does that to protect his receivers. It’s a skill he developed after giving Welker like 50 concussions.
yes i fuckin know he likes to throw it low, my goddamn point was that he threw it so low the earthworms under the artificial turf were too high to catch it
jfc mansplain more
lmao mansplaining doesn’t exiiiiist
Collinsworth is also the guy who said that Vince Wilfork caused the Butt Fumble. The dude obviously has a major Patriots hard on.
That Dodge Ram commercial with Dr. King…
since then watching the mlk foundation people (and mlk’s literal children) try to defend the commercial has been even worse
I think it’s odd that the company that put out the best ad (Vikings on the way to Minneapolis turning back at the last moment, it’s better than Eli, sorry, Dave.) also put out the second worse. Because nothing can be worse than Hyundai using cancer to sell cars. Fuck you, Hyundai.
I think it’s odd that the company that put out the best ad (Vikings on the way to Minneapolis turning back at the last moment, it’s better than Eli, sorry, Dave.) also put out the second worse. Because nothing can be worse than Hyundai using cancer to sell cars. Fuck you, Hyundai.
Congrats Eagles fans, your team played a hell of a Super bowl.
The only critique of this comic is I would have put Foles in a Vikings jersey in panel three.
I thought their offense was good, but I thought their defense would be the difference (If you consider the strip sack, I guess I was right). But damn, this was a game of catch.
Seriously, congrats Eagles. Fuck you, but I am happy for you.
Can only think, what if Malcolm Butler had been there? What if the Butler had done it?
Ugh…Collinsworth. I’m usually ok with him but at one point during the broadcast I told my wife “Yeah, he’s reaching Joe Buck levels of annoying”
Actually, I just watched the Funny or Die vid someone else linked to and I hate Joe Buck a little less now.
I think we all learned a very important lesson from this game. Never send a Falcon to do an Eagle’s job.
FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK HOW THE FUCK DID THOSE FUCKING FUCKS FUCKING…… FUCK!!!!!!!
They fucked the fucking fuck obviously
They just capitalized on the run. Both defenses were trash. Both QBs played extraordinarily, probably one of the best games for Brady. Eagles just knew how to break apart the defense, the Pats didn’t know how to fix it I guess?
Dilly Dilly is my trigger phrase. Dave, I hope you use this platform to destroy this stupid bit of brand loyalty nonsense. It’s the dumbest thing ever, and I’m sad people thing it’s okay to say in public.
Dilly dilly is silly silly…heh…see what i did there? Oh god, somebody shoot me now
I always wonder why I find Collinsworth really annoying throughout the game. Also Brady is now 0 for 3 in his battle against passing yards title curse.
Brady couldn’t overcome 3 curses. The Madden curse, the passing yards title curse, and the regular season MVP curse.
It doesn’t even cross my mind how the Patriots would bench Malcolm Butler. He’s probably the best player on the defense in those clutch situations, and it scares me that Belichick would sit him out for the entire game. I know many people are saying that playing him wouldn’t have affected the game but he could’ve easily lifted the defense to stop the eagles at least twice
The NFL season is over
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
Return of the A.F.T.W. (Arena Football Text Walls)
Also, the last Jedi is worse than attack of the clones. Come at me brasef
I will ban you for this
Please, do.
Do it.
[insert Shia screaming Just DOOOO IIIIIITTTTTT]
1. YouTube links okay for the Arena ball like last year?
2. Attack of the Clones IS better than Last Jedi. Deal with it.
3. I huff my own farts a lot. Like, so much. All the time. It has made me incredibly stupid.
4. The Eagles won the Super bowl.
Is Big Dick Nick the new Sexy Rexy?
It might end up that way, have to see where he goes
Any chance we ever see Big Dick Nick meet Sexy Rexy?
Wait until Draw Play Generations
Rex Grossman dies when a bridge crushed him.
We mused that the dead air was either a commercial that slipped past the censors and waz pulled last second, or an advertiser saw themselves getting destroyed on twitter and pulled a worse ad to save further embarrassment.
There’s one worse than T-Mobile and Dodge?
Note to the Don’t Care BEAR: THAT is how you sell a Wildcat play, fucklechops!
Big Dick Nick totally deserved MVP. After years of Checkdown Chad, Dr Tannehill & Mr Leaf, and the fucknugget we had this season, I almost forgot what it was like to see a quarterback throwing decent passes. It was FUN watching Foles out there doing mostly what he wanted against the Smugs defense. Reminded me why I’ve always been more a fan of the pass than the run.
I’m also over the moon for our very own Jay-Train Ajayi getting to bring it on home. He didn’t do all that much, but 57 yards for a Brit is far from shabby in our land of sneering Daily Mail readers (Suh would fucking END any rugby player, pads or not). And it was a fuck sight more than he would have been able to do with Miami. Gase’s decision to trade him has been shown for the boneheaded move it was, on a par with signing Cutler if not worse, and I’m still honked off at that – but I’m proper made up for the London lad himself. Way to go, champ, you deserve it.
Thank the stars I don’t have to put up with the gloating from work’s Patriot-in-residence this year – or at MinamiCon 24 next month either. Worst that’ll get is Hayama, he’s a Titans fan – but I’ll give him that this year, because Marcus’s TD pass to Mark was hilarious.
Ok, but here’s the thing with the Ertz catch. I’m a youth pastor, and after the second replay I was able to explain exactly what happened and what they could possibly have been reviewing. After the call, all my kids looked at me like a football master because I understood that blasted rule, and was able to make the ruling 8 minutes before the officials and commentators did. I am so glad we had that play, it got me street cred. As the kids say.
Yes, I understood, too, what the problem was. And I understand the rule. But here it was the perfect example of a player having total control over the ball and then, if you pardon the expression, touching it down on purpose with the “didn’t survive the ground” theme playing. I get that a catcher in one single motion may be different, but here it was so crystal clear. If that touchdown would have been overruled I would have lost a lot of faith in the rules. Thankfully, the ruling on the field not only stood, but was confirmed.
This wasn’t nearly as close as Dez or Jesse James was. They basically caught the ball and reached out all in one motion while falling and lost control then. Ertz caught the ball and took roughly 4 steps, turned his body, then leaped. He was a runner. He was unquestionably a runner.
I think the confusion lies in does the player gain his balance and footing while maintaining control. You could argue Dez and James didn’t, they never really got their balance back and just fell down. Ertz 100% had his balance. He made what we used to call a football move. It was a straight obvious touchdown. I’d be more willing to hear arguments about the Clements catch not being a catch according to the rule, but honestly I think they got both calls right.
Sandcrawlerdome?
I mean look at it, it looks like one
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/UguZc7F4P50/maxresdefault.jpg
If there’s one good thing that other NFC East fans can take out of this is that they now have videos of Eagles fans eating shit.
we now live in a time where one can say “Nick Foles, Super Bowl MVP” and it counts; and there’s no going back now, the world will never make sense again…
no major opinion one way or the other on Collinsworth, but I did get a good laugh out of his line about “it was easier to get information out of East Germany before the wall fell than it is out of Belichick” so there’s that, I guess… Joe Suck is still the worst, though…
those Tide ads sure were clever
Solo looks like it could be ok, or it could be atrocious… will see when it comes out…
Brady looking sad will never get old to me
Regarding Collingsworth: when I realized that he was calling the game I had a thought no good Eagles’ fan should have and I’m not ashamed: “God, I wish Tony Romo was at the Superbowl.”
I don’t see why any Giants fan has anything to complain about in the slightest. Unlike most fanbases who have to see two teams they hate play in the Super Bowl, you guys got to see BOTH teams eat shit.
Pats fan here, had more fun watching that game than I did 49 and 51. Comebacks are great, but there’s nothing like watching two teams go punch for punch with each other all night on the biggest stage, even when your team loses. The Eagles were the better team, Foles dominated, and they’re deserving champions.
Side note, Philly fans celebrating their first championship by eating horse shit off the pavement is the most Philly thing that’s ever happened.
This was the best SB the Pats have been in. I thought last year actually wasn’t great. It was two very bad games played back to back sandwiched together. It never felt competitive. One team was really good, and then suddenly the reverse.
Dave, no way – the 2001-2002 Superbowl will always be the best.
1. We were the underdogs
2. Everyone didn’t hate us
3. It came down to the wire
4. Vinny won it off his foot
5. U2 rocked halftime
BTW – if you haven’t made a comic yet, you should totally have Irsay dressed as Old Han Solo and McDaniels dressed as Kylo Ren on the bridge.
Off-season comic idea: Dave’s top ten Super Bowls. Feel free to break it down to multiple comics.
I like this idea. Good off-season distraction.
It should be Dave’s top ten Super Bowls not including the New England Patriots.
Hell, make the year all about not including the Patriots in anything.
I know Pats won against the Seahawks but that was more exciting IMO. Pats always make good Super Bowls, gotta give them that.
Yeah that raping at the hands of the Bears was epic even though I wasn’t around to see it, lol.
Can we get a version of Ringless Rivers but for the 2012 class, now that two in that group have won one?
Plus his former teammate got one as well.
The story of three quarterbacks from the 2012 class:
One has won a Super Bowl, played in another, and gotten a mega-contract.
One is in line to become the highest-paid player in NFL history.
One just won the Super Bowl MVP award.
Neither of these three were drafted in the first round.
Come to think of it, other than Brady, Peyton, Big Ben, and Eli, most of the quarterbacks that played in 2010’s Super Bowls also came from the 2008 (Ryan, Flacco), 2011 (Cam, Kaepernick), and 2012 (Foles, Wilson) draft classes. The only other one would be Rodgers, so if Alex Smith made a Super Bowl too that’d also work I guess. There’s gotta be enough material there for some jokes.
The only other commercial I liked was the David Harbour Tide Ads. Whoever came up with that at Tide deserves a raise.
For basically stealing the original Energizer Bunny idea from years ago? I don’t think so.
And I happen to like Dilly Dilly, and I don’t even drink beer.
Until this Sunday, I never realized Brady deflated balls so he could CATCH them better.
Ya learn something new every day….