Dont Care Bear: The Off Months
I thought Dont Care Bear was done. Then a miracle happened. We saw Jay Cutler’s Butt. God bless America, we saw Jay Cutler’s butt.
Jay Cutler seems to be apathetically admiring a sunrise. He’s standing there like the world most boring robot, which makes me think he clearly didn’t know his anti-vaccine wife (VACCINATE YOUR KIDS) was taking a snap of his bum. I wonder if he okay’d that picture. The pic is still up, so probably.
It’s a mild bum. A 5 out of 10 butt at best. It certainly isn’t saggy or misshapen, but Cutler also clearly doesn’t squat because there is no substantial meat on that backside. Then again the idea of Cutler bothering to squat at all is ridiculous. It’s certainly no Larry Fitzgerald butt. Now that’s a butt. We need more athlete butt photos. Butts are funny. If you disagree you probably have a bad butt.
Cutler doesn’t seem terribly interesting in finding a team right now. If he retired I wouldn’t be surprised, though I would be sad. I hope he finds a new team and farts around making another fanbase hate him. I still hear rumors of him to the Jets. I can’t decide what would be the most Jay Cutler landing spot (lol Jet pun). The Jets would be hilarious, watching New Yorkers fall over themselves to rage at a guy who’s more likely to flip them the bird over show happiness. The Browns? He wouldn’t be that funny on the Browns. He’d just be another head on the hydra, a brick in the wall, another grave in the cemetery, and other metaphors for ghastly amounts of failure piling up. Dont Care Bear might be a fit as the Dont Care Gold Miner in SF, but he’d be even worse since the 49ers are devoid of talent. Maybe the world’s best irony happens and he ends up back in Denver.
Also this made me go look through Kristin Cavallari’s instagram and haha oh man if you ever wanted to see Jay Cutler look like a fat middle-aged lesbian check this out.
edit: hahahahahhahahahahhaa shit even she noticed that too, read the description
Edit 2 : these pictures are weird I’ve never seen Jay Cutler smile this much it’s breaking my immersion I’m stopping now
I think cutler could go to houston for some cheap contract and lead that team to a 11-5/12-4 season. I would love to see cutler in denver win a title with an actual defense. Top 15 qb in books
*my book (I wish there was some way to edit comments)
I hope that if he retires more players announce retirement with a nude butt shot. Vince Wilfork, I’m looking at you buddy.
Why do you rate guys asses? You gay or somethin Dave?
insecure much?
I don’t think you have to be gay to rate the physical appearance of your own sex. The way I look at it is, you’re rating based on the body you wish you yourself had. I wish I had Hugh Jackman’s torso (10), not Eli Manning’s (4).
You’re an ass. 0/10… Too much of an ass.
A better topic for last comic, but what do y’all think about the rumor of Romo replacing Phil Simms as the color commentator for CBS’s #1 team?
I hope it doesn’t happen, partially because I have a huge soft spot for Tony after he was the MVP of back to back fantasy championships for me and want to see him win a real ring, and partially because Simms is so hilariously bad sometimes that I’m going to miss him when he’s replaced.
Butts . . . LOL
I just want to know why NFL Network talked about the photo the way they did.
Because it’s the NFL Network and it’s offseason.
Cutler didn’t okay it. He just doesn’t care.
Barely two months into the offseason and he’s rating asses again.
A 5/10 butt? How embareassing.
I think you missed a chance for him to show that he cares about something finally. The fact that now he has to go get his own smokes.