The Draw Play

So several weeks ago after the LA Chargers became the LA Chargers the guy being the website Uniwatch decided to have a little competition to re-design the Chargers. I decided to have a go of it. Since I’m me though, I didn’t want to do the normal thing and just be serious about it, because where is the fun in turning in just another slight variation on the Chargers. OOOH, I MADE A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT LIGHTNING BOLT.

Apparently that boring crap is what Uniwatch was looking for instead of effort jokes so it didn’t get mentioned in the final post, the funsucks. Not even a mention of best gag version. Buncha hooey. So in the interest of not letting my random Tuesday of work go to waste, here is what I sent to them that they apparently didn’t find as funny as I did. If you read my Patreon you already saw this, but it just felt like a waste to not share it because I’m proud of how stupid it is.

I choose to go away from the Chargers brand, because they have no meaningful history in LA and would likely want to move forward. They already attempted Los Angeles brand synergy with the Los Angeles dodgers, and were ripped apart for it. The problem is they didn’t go far enough. They didn’t need to blatantly copy the Dodgers, they needed to create something themselves that was special to LA, that spoke to people from LA, that is quintessential LA.

And what better represents LA than rich celebrities carrying small dogs in their purses?

So I give you, the LOS ANGELES PURSEDOGS

The Pursedogs is a brand everyone in LA can get excited about. It shows sophistication. It shows pride. It shows a willingness to care about the little guy. It shows that the team is rich in culture. It shows a willingness to secure the ball underarm. It caters to the type of clientele who will buy luxury boxes and never go to the games anyway, but still make the news for it. That’s who LA is. That’s who the Pursedogs want to be. When a Pursedog enters a room, you notice. America will notice the Pursedogs.

To celebrate their return to LA, a patch will be worn on the upper shoulder signifying the return of the LAPD (Los Angeles Pursedogs). It will be instantly recognizable and not confused for anything else.

You may notice the use of Pink. The NFL is a full palate of color, but it’s missing a valuable member of the spectrum, and that color is pink. It’s about time we had a pink team. You what you notice when you look at a color spectrum? The unique schemes. No one else has pink, and the Pursedogs will stand out amongst the league. We will not have another team wearing some form of blue and white. We want to be bold. We want to be special. We are the Pursedogs, and Pink is our color. Plus, it adds instant marketing opportunities with breast cancer foundations. We won’t have Pinktober anymore, we will have PURSETOBER.

Here are the trendsetting uniforms:

The design of the uniform is meant to symbolize the Pursedog. The Purse is pink, so the primary color should also be pink, and take up most of the jersey. But the most recognizable part of the Pursedog is the dog’s head sticking out, which I have incorporated into the design as making the shoulders and helmet of the uniform the elegant secondary color of Yellow Brown. The home jersey will also have a collar of white to signify the pearl necklace of a true Pursedog. The Alternate jersey will be as if the Dog has been released from the purse. Unleashed if you will, like the Pursedogs on their opponents.

There are side stripes that resemble tails on the legs. When the player is in motion, it will trick the eyes into thinking the tail is wagging. I have also used Doug Martin as the model for the uniform, because if there is a player in the league who reminds us of the power of a small dog, it’s Doug Martin.

Lastly, I know the plan for the Pursedogs is to ultimately play in the new Rams stadium, but should they succeed, they should debate building a new stadium for themselves, called Handbag Field.

The stadium will have all kinds of different sections. The Luxury boxes will be called the Lipstick pocket. The lower bowl shall be the Loose Change seats.

I hope this concept finds you well, and shows that the right move here isn’t just to take the lightning bolt and change it around a little bit, but to embrace the change and embrace LA. We fans are all dogs, and we need a new purse to carry us into this brave new NFL.

I’d root for them.