The Opposite of Interesting
Hey Dolbros givin you some more love. In that I’m calling your coach a bland piece of extremely watered down oatmeal, you know, rough love. He’s boring. Joe Philbin could take a personality test and fail. I watched the Dolphins season of Hard Knocks and when Joe Philbin came onscreen it was like watching Matt Ryan play solitaire. Joe Philbin is so bland that if he took cocaine and PCP he’d almost be able to pass for an accountant. Joe Philbin is so bland that he’s that kid in the yearbook class photo you flip through and have literally no recollection of ever existing. Joe Philbin is so bland that at the water cooler he talks about C-span late nights. Joe Philbin is so bland that the color gray won’t even hang out with him. Joe Philbin is so bland he tastes like watered down water. Joe Philbin is so bland he hangs out with Mashed Potatoes to look cooler. Not garlic mashed potatoes either, but plain mashed potatoes, that haven’t even been cooked, just mashed. With a masher, not even a blender or mixer. And the masher was from Kohl’s. When Joe Philbin goes to the movies his favorite part are the turn off cell phone screens. Joe Philbin’s ringtone is a sine wave. Joe Philbin isn’t a big reader, he made it three pages into the dictionary but found it too exciting to handle. Joe Philbin only updates his facebook status as “here”. Joe Philbin drives a blue Honda Accord. Joe Philbin thinks Cardboard is edgy.
Every time I see Buff Dolphins Man, I feel really sad. Poor guy just wants to have football be pleasant again, that’s not too much to ask, is it? I mean look how happy he was when he got to ride on Ndamukong Suh’s shoulders terrifying Pats fans! He just wants to enjoy football again.
Philbin wouldn’t have Facebook. He thinks MySpace was too extreme.
Seriously, this. Philbin is the greatest insomnia remedy known to man. I want to attach jump leads to his ears just to try and rev him up a bit.
There will be a movie coming out on Friday starring boring NFL,coaches: The good(John Harbaugh), the bad (John Fox), and the meh (Joe Philbin).
Seriously though, Joe Philbin is the most average coach in NFL history. Philbin is so boring that he makes explosions cry. At least Philbin isn’t tanking to ditch us for a college where he was once hated. Fucking Nick Saban. At least the human reincarnation of printer paper coaches for more than a season to lead us to 8-8 once again. Next year maybe we can get some actual printer paper to coach and maybe it would know to properly run the clock out. I Miss Marino indeed.
Joe Philbin is so bland that calling him bland would be an insult to the word “bland”.
“Dolphins fandom has given you ulcers.” Truer words have never been spoken.
ZZZZZ… Huh? What? Joe Philbin is so bland I fell asleep at the mere mention of his name.
That string of blandness burns might be my favorite thing dave has written.
his favorite song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFOl-9SNxLY
Joe Philbin couldn’t inspire a dog to dig.
“Bland Joe Philbin’s Oatmeal Squares” puts me in mind of Subtraction Stew from THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH. The more you eat, the hungrier you are.
I was just thinking about that book
Joe Philbin had to give away his pet rock because it was too energetic
I really take exception to the potato example. Mashed potatos should never be made in a blender or a mixer.