Football Fans: the Jaded fan
The Jaded Bitter fan is a long suffering fan of a team that just cant seem to put it together for a long time. Usually a decade or more. No championships in their lifetimes, if at all. The jaded fan doesn’t even seem to enjoy the sport sometimes, but just watches their team lose heartbreakers week in and week out. The occasional first round playoff exit. Jaded fans hate football. Yet they keep coming back, loyal to a fault. The Jaded fan is a broken fan.
Last week for the Optimist I portrayed myself as a grumpy surly fan, mostly to play off the”Optimist/Pessimist” thing. Several fans of less successful teams of my own gave me crap for it. This is a defining trait of the Jaded fan. If you follow a more successful team than they do, you are simply NOT ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR TEAM EVER, BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE PERSPECTIVE, MAN
This is stupid, because every fan wants their team to win it all every year, why else would we follow our teams? Fans of successful teams can complain about their team, just because they’ve been successful in recent years doesn’t mean those fans can’t be unhappy when their favorite team loses. (Obviously there is a point where complaining is too much, don’t get me wrong here, snobby bandwagoners can totally lack perspective) But I think it highlights a key fact about the Jaded fan. They just want to be loved. They just want someone to respect them, to respect their team, to give them just an ounce. They’ve seen so much heartbreak that they have arguments about who can be the most heartbroken, just so they can win something. It’s tragic. This bitter husk of a fan who doesn’t even appear to enjoy the sport is a tragic figure. It may be dumb to yell at people for complaining about their more successful team, but you should indeed give that fan some respect. To sit through all of the bad they have seen, to pour their hearts into teams that the rest of us use as punchlines, year in and year out, that is fan dedication. They may wear bags on their heads to games. They may sit by themselves at the bar and swear a lot, with the occasional outburst of frustration. They may hang their head in sadness or start laughing like a madman when their team craps itself yet again. But this fan is loyal. More loyal than fans of more successful teams may ever know. Loyal. Committed, even if it hurts their health.
That fan deserves your respect.
As a Colorado Rockies fan… this is me. This is me EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.
Well, except when you guys got no-hit by Kershaw. Even the most depressed Rockies fan had to at least be able to appreciate one of the best games ever pitched by anyone. I don’t think even the best Rockies lineups could have hit his stuff that night.
Yeah, I wasn’t even mad at that. Well, I actually am. I’m mad that his B fudged his chances of a perfect game. Kershaw deserved it.
“YOU ARE A FACTORY OF SADNESS! …I’ll seeya Sunday.”
I think to an extent we can all relate to the Jaded Fan. We all have a team that never fails to disappoint, whether we’re a Giants fan that roots for the Mets – before anyone says “Just root for the Yankees”, don’t, I’m not an NY fan, but that’s like telling an Eagles fan to root for Pittsburgh, you just don’t do it – or a Detroit Tigers fan that goes from the awe of Verlander and Cabrera to the pathetic self-defeatism of the Lions, or a Miami Heat fan that also cheers for the Marlins, or a Ravens fan that stuck with the Orioles all those years they sucked. We all have a team that has spurned us, and we all know this feeling of unrequited love from our team.
Except this one asshole I used to know that rooted for the Steelers, Penguins, Yankees, and Heat. Screw that guy.
And then sometimes you’re the fan of all the teams that suck, and you become a factory of sadness.
In my youth, that jackass was always a Yankees/Cowboys/Lakers fan.
I know that feeling. Was a Nets fan in the past. And then they left for Brooklyn. That was the last straw.
Still a fan of the Giants and the Devils though (and to a lesser extent the Jets). I’ll be a fan of anyone that calls Jersey their home until I die, because just like that Dolphins fan, my state has been used as a punchline by the rest of the country since antiquity.
But seriously, the Nets are traitors and should die.
As a Raiders fan, thank you. You nailed it.
As a Rams fan, even if you have that championship in your recent history, it still hurts being the butt of every joke. Steve Spagnuolo and Marc Bulger can turn any fan into a jaded fan.
DON’T YOU SULLY STEVE SPAGNUOLO’S GOOD NAME, SIR. HE IS AN AMERICAN HERO.
He wasn’t a good Head Coach though.
Not much of a defensive coordinator either.
I wondered when Miami would feature in this mix, and hot damn if you haven’t just gone and nailed us.
I remember the good old days when we used to find creative ways to win – the Hook and Ladder, the Clock Play, a metric ass-ton of fourth quarter comebacks under #13 (whom yes, we miss deeply, and whom we still haven’t found a successor to, though RT is more promising than most have been). Now it feels I’m sticking around to see which creative method we find to lose. Expose all our flaws on ESPN before the regular season (this happened with my soccer team as well, Sunderland AFC, back in 1996 – look up Premier Passions). Send our kicker to the Bills and have him score 24 points on us. Sign a decent tight end, he gets injured and doesn’t play a down in anger before becoming a free agent again. Hold a civil war in our O-line. Still fun, but in a much darker fashion. Never the roadrunner, always the coyote.
Funnily enough, Sunderland had big success in the early 70s too, winning the 1973 FA Cup by beating Leeds Utd 1-0. For the Marks Brothers, we had the G-Force (Eric Gates and Marco Gabbiadini). For Nat Moore, we had Gary Rowell. For Bob Griese we had Bobby Kerr; for Nick Buoniconti, Jimmy Montgomery; for Wes Welker, Kevin Phillips, and for Dan Marino, we had the legend Niall Quinn. And yet for all that talent, in the 40+ years since our last major success it’s been a rollercoaster of euphoria and heartbreak, with the latter far outweighing the former.
And yet still I return to them -Sunderland, the Dolphins, Magic, Avs, year after year. Only the Cards have given me anything to get crazy about. I can’t explain it – It’s almost on a molecular level.
In the 1986 film Clockwise, John Cleese has a line that was adapted to become the title of a short-lived Sunderland fanzine: “[It’s not the despair, Laura. I can take the despair.] It’s The Hope I Can’t Stand.” Maybe that’s it. It’s the hope. That’s what does for ya.
It’s not the fall that kills you – it’s when you hit the ground.
“Still fun, but in a much darker fashion.”
After decades of being a ‘Fins fan, I have to say that’s the reason I’m still watching. It’s a string of debacles, but somehow never the same thing twice. (Unless you’re counting management’s failure to recognize talent. That seems to be a recurring theme.)
Great job, Dave.
“Last week for the Optimist I portrayed myself as a grumpy surly fan, mostly to play off the”Optimist/Pessimist” thing. Several fans of less successful teams of my own gave me crap for it. This is a defining trait of the Jaded fan. If you follow a more successful team than they do, you are simply NOT ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR TEAM EVER, BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE PERSPECTIVE, MAN”
Yeah? Well… yeah
Yeah, bring it, bro.
And that’s why I respect my Browns/Cubs fan neighbor.
My condolences.
If he follows the Oilers as well you should have someone keep an eye on him.
These comics have made me realize that i am the result of an optimist, jaded biter, pessimist, hyper passionate fan, and stat nerd thrown into a blender. The result was poured directly on to my skull after i first watched a football game
Depressing to see how much of my fellow Dolphins fans are these jaded, depressed fans. I’m always optimistic every game we play, but I think that’s because I’m a young fan, although when I was <13 and 14, I still was a fan when we REALLY sucked, but I wasn't mature enough to maticiouslly follow it like I can now. I hope that I'm not like this by the time I'm 20
Thank you for not making the bitter fan a Browns fan this time. I believe we still have more bitter fans than any other team due to the extended period of suck we have endured, but this was a good reminder that other fan bases have suffered rooting for terrible football teams. Just not as long as us. So we win that. Something. Err… yea. Go Browns.
Son Please, Browns fans have endured nothing compared to the Bills fans
At least you had 4 straight chances for a SB, not to mention never having your team stolen away for 3 years only to be replaced with a big fat sack of garbage. Try reading up on some history before making an ass of yourself, junior.
Thank you for that. That text post perfectly describes most Mets fans, like myself.
So all six of you?
Got a problem with that?
lolmets
When I worked at a Publix in Florida, I would spend my breaks over at the local outside of a restaraunt where these browns fans would meet up every sunday to watch the games. I never understood why there were a bunch of browns fans in Florida, why there were Browns games on the tele, or why they even cared. But they would get so excited just to see their team play, and I always felt bad because I knew their team would lose like every game. But whenever their team would lose, they were there watching. And when the Browns won, they were there watching. And then I understood. They’re heartbroken, but strong, and resilient.
Gotta love them Browns fans.
Nobody appreciates a win like a Cleveland Browns fan. I have no relation to Cleveland, but I hope I live to see them get the Superbowl they deserve.
It was probably the local Browns Backers club. There’s even one in Antarctica. And our time is coming. Sooner than people expect…
Fart
This is my life as a Jets fan….So many years of “If only this player hadn’t gotten injured or if only we had made this play or Next Year we’ll get them! It’s a painful life.”
Right in the feels. Go Chargers, Go Ringless Rivers
I feel lucky that I haven’t had to go through this yet (I didn’t really start watching football until 07). I know the good times are close to ending though. Just don’t know when… Eventually the Pats will be like the Red Sox and Celtics. Always about next year…
To this day this is the truest god damned comic you’ve ever written