Peyton Manning Contains Multitudes
Okay, first off, yes, Bill Belichick will get his comic due next week, don’t you worry. This was supposed to be for Wednesday but I lost too much progress on the power outage to finish in time.
I’m glad Nationwide moved on from their previous Peyton Manning ad campaigns. Outside the one where he keeps humming the jingle (Chicken Parm you taste so good) they’ve all been complete crap. Those Peytonville ones with Brad Paisley made me want to puncture my eardrums. Using bad puns is a way to my heart so this new campaign of bastardizing his name for comedy gimmicks is a marked improvement, imo. Peyton has always played a good smug self-absorbed doofus in commercials.
That isn’t to say the new commercials aren’t annoying. They are. Like every ad during football season they get run into the ground when you see it once an ad break. The Paint’n Manning one is especially irritating after a few watches. If you happen to be watching the Manningcast as I often do, it gets really bad when you hear Peyton talking for minutes on end, cut to a commercial, and it is immediately more Peyton Manning. The “Debate’n” Manning ad is way better and I’m glad that’s the one getting airtime now.
But another one has to be on the way, right? These ads get made in bunches during the offseason and get staggered during the season. We’ve gotten 2 of them (that I’ve seen). There has to be at least one or two more coming. I would put heavy money on Bake’n Manning. Seems like an easy no-brainer and a good opportunity for stupid visuals.
EDIT: I just googled it and there is a third, and it’s “Calculate’n” Manning. Calculate’n Manning? Really? That’s the best you got, ad agency? Calculate’n? I came up with 14 different Manning puns for this fucking comic and all flow and sound better than Calculate’n Manning. I could have kept going, too! I take back anything nice I said about this ad campaign. Hire me next time. I came up with Paint’n Manning fucking years before you did.
Rate’n Manning! I’m also Rate’n Manning, (Cuts to Peyton typing funny on a laptop) I rate Nationwide 5 stars, for being the best insurance provider around. I also rate Eli one star for being a dumb younger brother. LOOK AT THAT. I JUST WROTE BETTER COMMERCIAL ON THE SPOT AS I MADE THIS BLOG. FIRE ALL YOUR CREATIVES AND GIVE ME THE JOB YOU HACKS.
I did also like the first MasterCard one from years ago that gave us “Cut that meat!” For good or ill, that one still flashes through my head during a lot of supermarket runs.
It shows how dire things have gotten when ad campaigns like this one that would usually annoy me to no end hardly bother me anymore. And it’s only because I would much rather be annoyed by repetitive, mediocre slop meant to promote insurance than bombarded by Sports Bookies begging me to gamble.
And I was *thankful* for gettign gambling shoved down my throat again when it releived me of the firehose of political ads. What a world.
Felatin’ Manning
Constipatin’ Manning
Copulatin’ Manning
Matin’ Manning
Fake’in Manning where Eli pretends to be Peyton. PLEASE LORD NFL THAT WOULD BE AMAZING!
Not every ad gets old. I still chuckle after seeing progressive’s “becoming your parents” ads even though they’ve done like a hundred of them
Flagulate’n Manning
Flatulate’n Manning
This is a fun game.
MS Paint’n Manning, in particular, is a dynamite gag. Kudos!
curse you, Deflate’n Manning, going around slashing car tires!
Maybe it was Peyton that was sucking the air out of Brady’s balls?
Nah leave that up to Brady.
Skate’n Manning. Could be him trying to play ice hockey, or skateboarding, or even rollerskating. Either way, should be fun to watch him fall on his ass.
Date’n Manning is just the Bachelor but with Peyton
These commercials get on my nerves, so Gratin’ Manning
Oh dang, Dave already did a (admittedly different) Gratin’ Manning. My bad….
Rebat’n Manning sounds perfect for an ad campaign.
Or PayATon Manning.
Ok, maybe not
I like to (well i have to) mute the commercials during football, i like to chat with fam/friends and not be distracted by commercials, can’t focus for the life of me with all their flashin lights and blah blah. This sometimes makes for interesting (to me lol) stories for the commercials i see muted. It makes the peytonpun commercials a tiny bit more fun because you get to guess what pun they are making. When I saw the ‘calculatin’ manning one i actually un-muted it to see if i guessed right b/c there was “no goddamn way they stretched the pun that far that fast”…..
but they had. As a terripun lover i was quite happy to see i share your anger.
calculatin’ manning would be ‘acceptable’, MAYBE, if the campaign had run for years and they were runnin dry.
The fact they went there tells me this campaign won’t last.
thank you for reading my rant. here’s a dad-joke.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the plate?
A: To get to the other sides
Speaking of Manning, do you think Eli will advance to HOF list of Finalists?
I used to hate this guy for carving up my team’s defense in the AFC South. But since retirement he’s become one of my favorite sports personalities. ManningCast on MNF is a Godsend; but anything in preferable to Joe Buck–except maybe Chris Collinsworth.