Tyler Owens Makes A New Friend
Texas Tech DB Tyler Owens made some news this weekend at the NFL combine by revealing that the American school system has yet again left another child behind. He doesn’t believe in space!
I gotta admit that’s a new one for me. Flat Earth is pretty well-known. Chemtrails, a classic. The Vax is evil and has 5g microchips, 9/11 was an inside job, the moon landing, you name the conspiracy and there’s a pretty good chance that it has had a moment in the sun during the recent decade of the internet driving people into these factional holes. We watched it happen in real-time with our boy Aaron Rodgers and if you are still on Twitter you can get depressed every day as you see Elon Musk fall deeper into the dark void of his own ass.
But space isn’t real? I can’t say I’ve seen that one before. There was that guy a few years ago on the Texans who didn’t believe in Dinosaurs but that one made sense to me: Dinosaurs are a scientific display of evolution and a large amount of the religious fundamentalist community are going to reject any evidence of that outright. But space? The thing we can just straight up look at every night with our own eyes? Even a cheap toy telescope can give you more visual clarity on? Owens says he doesn’t believe in other planets and stuff. Sure, Jupiter and Mars and such are far away, and the scope of space is existentially terrifying to try and comprehend but like…you can see it! You can go outside to a clear night sky right now and look at Mars directly! It’s right there! I’ve seen it! It’s just hanging out!
If space isn’t real then…what’s out there? Are we in a dome with painted-on stars or LED lights that god is controlling like the guy in charge of the Truman Show? He hits a button and sends the moon ball he painted swinging to spin around up there every day? I could probably go and look this up but I choose not to. One, seeing the ludicrous stuff that these communities can slip into believing is rather depressing. Even conspiracy theories that start from a place of relative sense can spiral into absolutely wild shit shockingly fast. Secondly, I do not want any internet algorithm seeing me looking into it even purely to laugh at it and then sending me more of that content and trapping me in an algorithm feedback spiral, which is how so many people these days have been sucked into this shit in the first place. Google has gotten so much worse. Distrust is at an all-time high. I’m sure someone out there thinks I’m one of the lizardmen. Hisssssss. Don’t worry, guy. Your time will come. Praissssse be to hissssss excellenccccccy. The day of enveloping is nigh. Fellow lizards gimme a hiss in the comments.
Anyway Owens is very fast and athletic so despite a lack of experience he will probably go reasonably high in the draft. Just don’t make him play zone, he doesn’t understand the concept of covering space.
Come for the football jokes like you made at the end at the end of the post, stay for the great lizard uprising! Though if I’m being honest, I know you aren’t a lizard man, everyone knows lizard people have an aversion to two squirrels screwing.
Technically though Space does not exist, as a thing, because space is the absence of “things”. Technically right is the best kind of right. Also, Mars is cool, but Uranus is better!
Uranus is without a doubt my favorite gas giant. However, it doesn’t really have any interesting features or moons, so we probably won’t be probing Uranus anytime soon.
You fool! We do not dissssscusssss the day of enveloping openly with the ssssssoft-ssssskins!
…….hisssssssssss.
Don’t worry, dear Pamela. I’ll do my scientific best to command your fleet
I’m pretty surprised you haven’t heard of this ridiculous belief before since a lot (not all) flat earthers subscribe to this.
And yeah, I think they think it’s a dome. Maybe it will break like the Old Vikings stadium did years ago.
He’s clearly a student of Aristotelian natural philosophy and believes in celestial spheres. Which means he probably believes in terrocetric cosmology
I call BS. The Lizard King died/went into hiding 53 years ago. Although, there was rumor of another one in Scranton about a decade ago.
I always find it funny when guys who make a living doing what they’re told by people who know better suddenly have a problem with believing what they’re told by people who know better. Even when I feel like they’d reconsider if they heard what the said played back to them. You’re an independent thinker who knows better than thousands of years of scientific advancement….that’s why space…..doesn’t exist…..
That’s kind of how guys like that are though, they have a weird inferiority complex where they think that everybody who’s smarter than them is actually just trying to trick them for nefarious means, except the ones that are telling the thing the conspiracist wants to hear.
Alan Moore had a great quote about this.
“The main thing that I learned about conspiracy theory, is that conspiracy theorists believe in a conspiracy because that is more comforting. The truth of the world is that it is actually chaotic. The truth is that it is not The Illuminati, or The Jewish Banking Conspiracy, or the Gray Alien Theory.
The truth is far more frightening – Nobody is in control.
The world is rudderless.”
Oh, and hissssssssssssss.
https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/post-2
That dinosaur denier is Bengals defensive tackle DJ Reader
Reader was famously preceded as an athlete professing disbelief in dinosaurs by journeyman outfielder Carl Everett… who was fantastically and derisively nicknamed “Jurassic Carl” and “C-Rex” as a result.
Well… he did go to Texas Tech, so…
I kid, I kid, but my wife went there and she might vouch for this statement.
I’m sure he wasn’t there to play school anyway
hissssssss
They try to deny our brotherssss’ bonessssss in the ground!
In more tragic news, fail-son Britt Reid got paroled early by the Missouri governor.
Should’ve gone with the Reverse Vampires