The Bills Introduce Their New Mascot
I’m sure ya’ll are waiting on the Hue Gets Fired comic but this week has been a hectic mess and I had to go to my backup idea. Hue will get fired on Monday or maybe over the weekend. Lets talk bout the Bills. Again. Weekly Bills comics from here on out. The Bills Play, a football comic by David Rappoccio.
I sincerely hope throwing dildos on the field becomes a tradition in Buffalo. Forget the tables and the property damage. More dildos. I want to see all the dildos. Big dildos. Small dildos. Pink Dildos. Blue Dildos. Green Eggs and Ham Dildos. Realistic dildos and goofy nonsense dildos. I want to see a vibrator wiggle it’s way through the endzone. I choose to write that sentence, and I’m sticking by it.
Buffalo’s Mascot, Billy Buffalo, is one of the least interesting mascots in the league. He’s pretty generic looking. He doesn’t have the gonzo fun of Jaxson De Ville or the utter creep factor of Pat Patriot. He’s just pretty much exactly what you’d expect out of a blue buffalo. Hes probably fit as a generic mascot in a commercial or TV show.
Honestly the Bills should make him more fun. Get Billy out there smashing tables during timeouts. Set him on fire. Make him a Bills fan. Give him a mafia outfit. Or just do the right thing and make the mascot a giant dildo because this is what the Bills deserve. Either they get boned, or they are the boners. Also just imagine how great it would be to see a grown man dressed as a comically large penis jump through a table. Make it happen. Sports mascots are usually boring or creepy boring, but they don’t have to be.
For as much as I despise Philadelphia, they get mascots right. The Phillie Phanatic is amazing. We need more Phanatics. He’s like a minor league mascot that made it to the show. He doesn’t make sense. What is he? Fuzzy green birdo? Who cares, that’s part of the fun! More Phanatics. Better yet, more GRITTY. Gritty is the greatest mascot to ever exist and I love him. I want an entire league of indescribable monster mascots. Hell I’d take an entire league of different colored Grittys.
Of course the Eagles mascot is generic and boring. of course it is.
Save us, Gritty.
So is this the new official schedule (monday-wednesday-friday). I am just curious since you haven’t changed the days on the banner up top.
Ya know, I hadn’t noticed until you said that. But so far, yeah, looks like Mon-Wed-Fri.
STUFF is best mascot.
“I’m sure ya’ll are waiting on the Hue Gets Fired comic but this week has been a hectic mess and I had to go to my backup idea. Hue will get fired on Monday or maybe over the weekend. Lets talk bout the Bills. Again.”
Well, yeah, but Hue being pushed to Monday means there’s a chance he’ll be a checkdown comic, and Hue with his worst career winning percentage for a HC in NFL history deserves a full comic IMO.
By the way, there have been a lot of Bills comics recently, haven’t there? I would think the Raiders fans might think it unfair considering their team’s a lot more putrid, even with the existence of Nathan PetermINTs.
I mean, seriously, did you watch that shellacking the Niners gave them? They made a practice squad QB on his first NFL game look like Tom Brady on prime time TV. I thought it was going to be another boring slog of a game. Boy was I wrong…
Hue’s entire coaching tenure with the Browns seems like the epitome of a coaching checkdown so that would be fitting.
It was worse than a checkdown. It was four verticals with a QB that doesn’t process well and can’t put the ball where he wants it. Like the Browns’ offense last season.
So, Mike McCarthy without Aaron Rodgers..? I kid…mostly.
I have the Hue comic halfway done, so it won’t be a checkdown
Pat the Patriot forever haunts my nightmares please never show him again
“I want to see a vibrator wiggle it’s way through the endzone.”
Calling it now, if that happens, the Bills will sign that vibrator for next season. They need someone that can find the……end….zone……
Billy Buffalo is responsible for the playoff drought
Slider once gave me a wet willie. It was mildly traumatic.
Mascots are clowns. I don’t mean that insultingly, I mean that’s what they are. Tumbling, slapstick and goofiness are what mascots are all about. Dave is right. Too many of them look generic and boring. Gritty and the Phanatic are exactly what they should be: Fat goofy weirdos who make us laugh and shoot t-shirts at us. Go weird or go home, mascots!
I feel like any mascot based on an animal tends to be pretty generic. The only one I can speak on is the Seahawk mascot, Blitz. In the Hasselbeck-era uniforms, Blitz was that lighter blue with an orange beak and almost-Trump hair. In 2014, he got changed to more fit the new uniforms, now having a head almost identical to the logo. He also has a sidekick, for whatever reason. I don´t like it. The change in blitz is the reason why the team fell apart. I want my old blitz back.
Y not just Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs? I think Ted Lavine in a woman-skin suit would be the most appropriate option. Plus lots of sponsorship options from skincare companies. It rubs the lotion on it’s skin or else Peterman starts again!
To think he’s friends with Monk.
let GWAR design all mascots from now on.
Space jizz as mascots for all teams?
“Also just imagine how great it would be to see a grown man dressed as a comically large penis jump through a table. Make it happen.”
You really need to watch Joey Ryan’s “resurrection” at All In, considering you’re probably not into indie wrestling, it’s surprisingly close to what’s actually happened only a few weeks ago…
YES
LET THE BILLS BE HATED BY EVERYONE
The Bills are embarrassing to watch, but the Giants and Raiders are even worse, at least statistically.
The Raiders have an argument for the worst team in the league and the players have given up.
The Giants are honestly staying in games and not getting blown out till the 4th quarter half the time, and will probably win a couple down the road
The Bills have a good defense but they either play well and look okay or get blown the hell up
I want to see a vibrator wiggle it’s way through the endzone
god fucking shit damn
pry out your apostrophe key and burn it