Don’t Care Bear Takes His Apathy To South Beach
LMAOOOOOOO I can’t believe it happened I am so happy. Jay Cutler in South Beach. I’m so excited.
This is probably the best case scenario for the Dolphins after Tannehill died. It’s also the best case scenario for us! We get a whole year of Cutler jokes waiting for us and the Dolphins get a reasonable if not spectacular replacement. Cutler’s not great but he’s the best possible option the Phins had. Kaep might have been equal on potential but Cutler already knows the system with Gase, so Cutler was easily the best fit.
A lot of people seem to be doom saying the Dolphins, I don’t know why. We all knew they didn’t have a chance to unseat the Pats this year anyway. The Patriots have owned the AFC East for almost two decades save 2002 and one year where Brady got hurt and they still won 11 games and lost the division on a tiebreaker. The Patriots not winning the AFC East is like The Browns being good. Nobody should actually discuss it as a real possibility until it actually, finally happens. Stop it, Dolfans. I know you want it, but that doesn’t make it true. The Patriots will fall once Brady is gone or falls off a cliff, until then just punch the Bills and Jets around and maybe sneak into the playoffs and do what you can.
I’m genuinely pumped to see how Cutler works out. I feel like it wont. Cutler was ready to retire and had to be coaxed out “Kyle Orton Style” by a coach desperate for something to work with. We’ll probably get the same result as the Kyle Orton Bills. A one year rental of a dude who is clearly in it for the paycheck. Cutler and Gase know each other well enough to win some games, but that will be it. I think a 9 win season is in the works. The Dolphins are talented enough to put up some good wins against weak teams and eek out a few wins against reasonable competition. Maybe even a Pats split, as they usually seem to do. But they’ll be a bridesmaid never a bride, in playoff contention but never controlling it. Typical Dolphins.
But man, a one year rental of a dude in it for the paycheck, and that dude is the already hilariously apathetic on the field Jay Cutler? It’s going to be glorious. Even if Cutler has passion he still looks like he doesn’t care. Prepare for great gifs and a lot of screenshots.
Also, I made a thing:
For doomsaying the Dolphins they proved they could be a fringe playoff team, whether last year was a fluke or not remains to be seen, and Jay certainly doesn’t look like the guy who’d at the very least get them back in.
Last year was probably a fluke. Look at the back half of their schedule last year.
Maybe I’m biased as a Bills fan, but I don’t see the Dolphins making it to 9 wins again. Heck, I would put down money on a 7-9 season or worse.
Every so often, a team that has obvious deficiencies gets a new coach, and goes on a bit of a run. They win games they shouldn’t win, and show some nice grit. I think the best example of this would be the Chiefs the first year that Andy Reid took over. They had shown flashes for a long time, but suddenly they are winning 10 straight games.
I honestly think the Dolphins rode a wave like that last year. And kudos for them to doing so, but I remember a lot of tip ball games with them that went their way. That luck doesn’t hold out forever. In addition, they are playing the AFC West and NFC South. They play a harder schedule, and lost some rather good veterans in Albert and Mario Williams.
Alright…*winces* come at me.
Cutler is better than Tannehill. That is all.
9 wins isn’t too unreasonable (Tampa at home, 2 vs. Jets, 2 vs. Bills, Saints in London, Chargers on the road, Denver at home, Titans at home, Carolina on the road, and Tom Brady always seems to struggle in Miami).
But if Miami can’t enter Atlanta at 4-1, their fucked.
Lol, they’re not getting 2 vs the Bills. The narrowly beat the Bills last year, once while half the starters were injured and then when Rex couldn’t get 11 men on the field. *headdesk*
I’m not saying that it’s impossible that they get a bit fluky and take 9 games. But they looked like they had the talent of a 6-10, 7-9 team last year, and got a number of lucky breaks. This year they have have lost vet talent, their LB and secondary are still really poor and play what looks like a harder schedule.
Yeah no way the Dolphins beat a team twice which Ajayi rushed for over 200 yards on both times last year…
Actually the dolphins got more talent. Mario was horrible and never started here. Albert was playing on one arm most of the year. And Cutler isn’t much of a drop off from Tannehill as far as talent goes.
They get back Jones, Healthy Parker, Healthy X, have two TE who are at least average, have good depth at WR/RB. They finally have linebackers in their rookie, Timmons, and Kiko with I dare some a little depth. They finally have Safety depth! On the defensive side of things they went from Average starters to hot garbage depth to good starters and average depth.
Phins got much better talent/depth on defense this year and the offense is all healthy. except oline 🙁 . This schedule is harder, but the Dolphins won’t be 30th in the league vs the run any more with their upgrades to LB and DL, they were top half in the league secondary(and got healthier/starters back), and were top half in the league in DL pressures/sacks (which they added more depth/a pass rushing specialist). I agree full heartily last year they had a 7 win talent team this year they are more talented 9 Wins isn’t unreasonable.
It’d be hilarious if Cutler gives the smallest fuck after realizing that Dolphins fans are WAY more lenient/apathetic than Bears fans.
Bears fans can be real stupid. And take it from me, a life long Bears fan.
I love Jay Cutler
This development is great for me. My dad is a Dolphins fan, and my in-laws are all Bears fans, so everyone in my family is watching this with morbid fascination.
The Cutler dolphins logo should really have him wearing a helmet. On that helmet should be a picture of him face down, naked and smoking.
Yes!
Also, I badly miss the Dolphins logo with the dolphin wearing a helmet.
When you consider he’s getting DOUBLE what Marino got per year in his 1992 contract, DCB had BETTER feckin’ start caring.
It’s not far off though, adjusting for inflation. Marino’s contract looks to have been about $4.6 million a year, which equates to about $8 million in today’s money. Pay scales have changed drastically outside of inflation since then too.
More like Buttler amirite
Well, even though the whole city is on fire now, at least it seems that the stadium fire is a little bit smaller, so… good for them? I think?
I have hated Cutler ever since he forced his way out of Denver (great move dude!).
But i also like seeing new things happen every once in a while, so it would be kind of fun to see him have some success.
Oh man, I want to see Don’t Care Bear in a Dolphin suit, not actually change himself into a Dolphin.
I’m going to miss Don’t Care Bear.
Same here.
Glad we get one more chance to seeing heartless on the field. Here’s hoping they sneak into the playoffs.
I was about to fall asleep when I saw that Jay Cutoer wouldn’t be starting in the Dolphins’ first preseason game after he refused. He gets me every time!
His arm’s not ready.
For all we know, he knows he’s at risk of injury. And what would all the Cutler boobirds say if he he injured his arm in preseason game one
Kaep would have wanted the cigars hand made by Castro.
Matt Moore is a more reliable QB than Cutler
Mad props for the blow hole visual gag. I noticed and appreciated it.
well, that’s because Jay Cutler blows…get it? Because he’s a dolphin? …I’ll be here all week.
I’m a pats fan, but I still hope Cutler does well with the lolphins. I don’t want them to win any against NE, but I’d be happy if they got in the playoffs because I’ve always felt that Cutler could have been a great QB if things went better for him. He was an absolute beast for the Broncos for a while, but he was saddled with some bottom tier defenses to the point where if he didn’t manage to put up 30 points every week it was going to be a loss. I’m curious what he can do with a decent defense. I’m also curious what sort of miracles the strength and conditioning squad will have to pull in order to get a guy who was planning on talking about football into shape to play it.
jay cutler was so good in college, actually seemed like he gave a shit
WHO HURT YOU, JAY. WHO HURT YOU
Brandon Marshall, Mike Shanahan, and Chicago
I can show you on the doll where Chicago touched him….assaulted him.
The very fact that more of Miami was on fire, after the Don’t Care Dolphin joined is a nice touch.
Someone just put this strip as a gif in a facebook thread, and was my introduction to this site. How on earth did I go 6 years without finding out about this?